[feeling | eat eat eat]
You keep looking for proof of friendship. But you never know that in doing so you are actually doing harm to yourself. When you give something to your friends, you usually keep waiting for a concrete response, a thank-you perhaps.
One thing we do not realize is our dear friends have their own histories, their own characters, their own ways of receiving love. They may be slow, they may be more hesitant or more cautious than us in expressing their response towards us.
Our friends may want to be with us in ways that are real and authentic for them but unusual for us. We, on the other hand, have to trust that those who love us want to show us their love in a real way, despite their choices of time, place and form are different than us.
How do we gauge friendship? Simple, much of our ability to trust our friends depends on our belief in our own goodness. We have this tendency to worry about our motives when we give a gift freely and spontaneously.
We often ask ourselves, “Maybe I give this gift to get something in return. Maybe I give this gift to force my friend into a closeness he or she does not want.” Stop! Don’t ever think of that anymore, trust your intuition!
As we journey together, we have to learn to allow our friends the freedom to respond as they want and are able to. Let their receiving be as free as our giving. Then we will become capable of feeling true gratitude.
[This article is inspired by the original article titled "Trust Your Friends" written by Henri J.M. Nouwen: The Innver Voice of Love]
11 comments ↓
nice post, Daniel. =) good reminder to me too! =)
we need friends in our life~~ =) YEAH…
Clare: A gentle reminder for us to give and don’t expect too much on what we will receive in return for our good deeds. I’ll treat you a drink if you are in JB, well if you do come la. Hehe.
Jua: Nice to meet you Jua. You’re one of the new member here. Yeah, we need friends, especially those who are trustworthy and who keep us close to their hearts.
wa….so fierce and serious ah…i scared alredi….okok…no expectations…=(…
but the offer for requests for books remains…
No comment, cos I share the same sentiments! Friendship/Love is selfless…
Clare: Furious? Oh really? Haha. Not sure if I have the time to finish reading my books at the moment. Am currently reading Frank McCourt’s “Teacher Man”, Edward de Bono’s “How to Have a Beautiful Mind” and Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”.
suituapuui: Love is selfless. Sealed with a kiss.
a voracious appetite for books indeed! truly admirable…..=)…and enviable (if there’s such a word)
Happy reading!
I do agree that sometimes we do think of something in return when we give to our friends. As we think of that way, we sometimes ended up feeling unappreciated when we fail to get the responds that we hoped for. Perhaps the best way is to forget about other motives , be sincere and things will turn out to be better without the initial disappointment. Great post ..take care.
Big appetite for books. I used to have big appetite for food but now books seem to be the only thing that can quench my thirst.
Thanks Clarence. For those who want to know more about Clarence please look for him in my blogroll under [clarence] shin sekai.
when i was younger, I used to think I could buy friendships with gifts. I guess most people do when they are younger; when we are more proned to materialistic mentality(especially those living in big cities, kids grown up in KL…)
But as I grow and grow, yea, I realise some friends come and go. Some friends, even if we don’t keep in touch often, but once we meet each other up, we chat like no tomorrows. Of course, these are friends you have known for quite some time, whom you used to spent a lot of time with.
These are the friends who will last a lifetime in our lives, even if we are all busy with our own lives and seldom communicate. Though, touch up is a must, once in a while.
I think the perceptions of friendship grow with us. As our minds start to mature, we start to have really good friends.
Exactly, I more or less had the same form of thinking as you did. When I was younger, I thought that the more you give (presents), then more kids will like you. But that wasn’t true. Such kind of friendship will only last a while when you stop giving.
To me, what people look for in a friendship/relationship is sincerity and communication. If we stop communicating (i.e. touch up) then everything will start to fade. Sincerity, on the other hand, is the base of a friendship. Without it, trust will hardly exist.
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