A dose for manhood

The purpose of sharing this article is to encourage young men or even teenage boys to see what manhood is. In shaping who I am today, a young man, I know God is with me through all my struggles and trials. “Do not be afraid or discouraged…for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” (2 Chronicles 20:15)

A man is his most wholesome and appealing when he is outer-directed, when he has little consciousness of himself. His face is towards the world, towards others, hopefully towards God. The world is a joyous challenge, something to be both overcome and delighted in. His lack of self-consciousness draws people to him.

Those of us who sense a deficit in our manhood, by our very focus on our shortcomings, are turned inward. Excessively conscious of our appearance, how we are coming across to others, how we compare with other men. In our striving to be men, we manifest an inner directedness that is the antithesis of healthy manhood.

In this respect, we are not unlike adolescent boys trying to prove their manhood. But in the adolescent, such a focus is a normal step in development, so expected that it can be seen as desirable, even endearing.

Sadly, many men who are not from a homosexual background, seem never to emerge from this stage. Constantly needing to prove their manhood (to themselves as well as others) they pursue any outward manifestation that will show that they are men: body building, womanizing, excessively aggressive behaviour. Their focus is decidedly on themselves. They are, in a word, narcissistic.

A primary way that the homosexual man differs from the narcissistic heterosexual is that the homosexual has at some level given up attaining his own manhood; he seeks to draw it from others. The narcissistic heterosexual never gives up. He is determined to prove his manhood. But like the homosexual, he is doomed to failure. The fact that he is focused on himself, that he gives such great importance to outward appearances, dooms him to perpetual adolescence.

We grow as men when we see our manhood as something we desire for the sake of others. When we desire manhood so that we can protect and defend, help and serve, provide safety and security for others, we will grow into men. And it is the practice of helping, protecting, and serving that develops our manhood.

(Further reading: Alan Medinger, Pure Intimacy)

Sometimes I may be a little bit confused about my manhood; this narcissistic trap has brought confusion to me. This trap sometimes deter me from being who I am, a child who loves God. Trapped with the kaleidoscope of this material world, it is confusing for me to understand myself.

Through all the people who I have interacted with – little boys and girls, teenage boys and girls, young men and women, uncles and aunties, and recently after joining the CDD Vocation Camp – I learned that it is my nature to show affection towards people of the opposite sex as well as people of the same sex. Putting narcissism aside, this affection does not equal lust but that of a simple friendship, a desire to care for others.

It was upon finishing reading the pamphlet of St Teresa of Lisieux on the way to Kuala Lumpur last Saturday which has led me to understand one simple truth. Though we are complex to a certain degree, we have to learn to be simple, humble and dependent and so God can use us as He wishes.

I have more to write but I guess I will leave them for my future post.