If I could describe my current state of emotion, I would say I am homesick and blogsick. Though I went home for three short days, it seemed that it is not enough. I wished I could stay longer - a week or so. But I can’t because there are works for me to do here.
Blogsick. Yes, I am started to get sick of my blog. I don’t know if I still love blogging or otherwise. This post was supposed to surface a few weeks ago but I decided not to for I thought I could rediscover my passion. However, I think the first feeling is always true and one can do nothing to suppress it.
In the meantime, I just want to spend time for myself. Treating myself the best that I could. Dreaming and discerning of the beautiful future than I could dream possible. I am in a quarter-life crisis. Juggling time in the present and working towards whatever goals I have for my future. I am no longer a teenager (long ago), I am already an adult.
Sorry, if don’t attend to your calls or smses. I just want to be left alone in my hermit until I feel like coming out. In short, it’s gonna be a ‘Goodbye’.
getting lonelier each day…
We’re all lonely for something we don’t know we’re lonely for.
[feeling | courageous]
This morning I gathered all my courage, I started gathering them since Sunday, and walked into my supervisor’s room. Wanted to meet him yesterday but he was still on holiday so today was the perfect day. We research students have to submit our progress report every semester. Yes! And based on this progress report and our other meetings with our supervisors that we are given grades.
I handed him the report. A few seconds after that I told him that I am very sorry. Not that I am quitting my master’s studies but for not being faithful to my research. Yeah, you got it! I was such a beautiful liar all these while. I promised to work hard but the promises never materialized. Most of the time, I was wondering away from my goals because I just can’t see light inside this tunnel!
Many uncountable unproductive activities I did for the past two months. Also, the Chinese Apostolate is also digging away my time. All those activities and events to organize is simply making me drifting from my main goal. Not pointing my gold fingers to anyone but myself. It’s just me not being so organized.
There’s no point in seeking forgiveness if one does not resolute to be a better person. Frankly, I told him that I have decided and planned to report to him my progress once a fortnight which he willingly agreed. I thank him for not scolding me but accepted my apologies. I believe, like St Paul, everyone will at one point of their lives experience conversion(s). This is my most latest conversion, from a lazy log to a go-go-guy!
Despite the busy schedule, I will still keep writing as Brother Alvin in his text message reminds me to keep writing! There will be a follow-up program for the vocation camp which I attended by the Jesuits (click to read). Too bad, I cannot make it. Most likely there will be another one coming soon. Fingers crossed.
Talking about vocation, less and less am I experiencing it. Partly because my spiritual live is going down the slope and partly due to too many things to take care of. The only call I got these days is to get out of UTM next year, sounds great and so true!
The whole point of this post is, if you want to keep moving, P.U.S.H! Get yourself on the go by telling others your target and goal, that way you feel pressured to achieve them. I remember reading somewhere that P.U.S.H means praying until something happens. Wonderful!
Blogging to me now means a leisure activity for the night, while blog reading only during lunch hour or tea break. It is good to see drummie getting back to blogging after a one month hiatus. Really missed her posts.
So these days, I stop slacking and get real. I know my friends would be glad to see a better me.
